“You are the smartest of us all, so you just adapt!” About the fifteen percent of above-average intelligent people, it is often thought that this also increases their adaptability. The more intelligent you are, the more (unconsciously) more adaptability seems to be expected of you. What is often meant by adaptation is not ’taking into account’ but behaving atypically with regard to who you really are: blend in by behaving yourself as average intelligent.
Actually, this implies that being yourself is not an option for you. While there is nothing wrong with you: after all, you were simply born that way. What adaptation usually leads to in this case is that the person who is above average intelligent is still not accepted despite the behavioural adjustments, because he is and remains different, even if he behaves averagely, and on top of that also risks of losing himself completely!
“What adaptation usually leads to… is that the person who is above average intelligent … risks of losing himself completely!”
Because adaptation is expected of you, your environment makes your degree of expected involvement larger than you are actually responsible for and therefore have to feel responsible for. If your environment expands your degree of engagement, while limiting the degree of influence you have, chances are you will get into trouble sooner or later. Not because you created an imbalance between involvement and influence, but because it was imposed on you by your environment.
If you (unconsciously) go along with this expectation from your environment, there is a very likely chance that you will soon find yourself in a situation where you are dead tired day in and day out, because you adapt day in and day out to be someone you are not. In the worst case, at some point you will pay the bill with a burnout, a bore-out, demotion and/or dismissal. Not because you did not do your job well, but because your environment has trouble with you being different, while there was and never has been anything wrong with ‘being different’.
What you could have done in the first place is to show understanding for the question but also set your boundaries and say no to adaptation. At the same time, you can point out to the company/ organisation that a certain degree of expected involvement also includes a certain degree of influence. If the company/ organisation does not want to deliver, the only right thing to do is to say no to these unrealistic expectations. After all, you are not a chameleon who can change colour at any moment if the environment expects you to, not even because you happen to be born above average intelligent. Then it is high time to look for an environment that does give you energy and allows you to keep your energy!
“…you can point out to the company/ organisation that a certain degree of expected involvement also includes a certain degree of influence.”
This also applies to your child. If he finds himself day in and day out in a (school) environment that expects him not to be allowed to be himself and the environment does not show any willingness to take into account the uniqueness of your child, it is high time to look for an environment where there is that space, so that your child can develop healthily.
Setting your boundaries is not always so obvious to you as an above-average intelligent adult, because often already early in life there was called upon your ability to adapt because of your intelligence. This may have given you less space to discover who you are, what you can and what you want. If the answers to these questions are not clear to you, it can be quite a challenge to set your boundaries, because after all, where exactly are your boundaries?
“Setting your boundaries is not always so obvious to you as an above-average intelligent adult, because often already early in life there was called upon your ability to adapt because of your intelligence.”
With Mirror Theatre, guided by a coach, you get a clear sense of who you are, what you can do, what you want, who you want to be in relation to others, and how you want to contribute in relation to them. With Mirror Theatre, you get a sharp picture of yourself, so that just by being, you naturally show your value to the world. With Mirror Theatre, you take the steps that best fit your development at that moment. In this way, step by step, you become more connected with yourself, others, and your environment. Mirror Theatre increases your personal effectiveness, resilience, and the trust in yourself and others, which also benefits working together. This gives you the opportunity to make choices that suit you, both personally and professionally.
The annual Mirror Theatre course can be taken by children, youngsters, and adults, and is adapted to the participant’s developmental level. This means you can join or leave at any time of the year, depending on what feels right for you and what fits your abilities. Additionally, Mirror Theatre is also offered in-company and at parties and events.
Interested/signing up? You can find more information about Mirror Theatre here. You can join the first 2 group sessions for free without obligation to see if Mirror Theatre suits you.
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What else does Trias Vita have to offer you?
In the fall of 2026, Trias Vita will also start an online course on how to support your (grand)child in his/her development without punishing or rewarding him/her. More information will follow.
Want to know more about Trias Vita? Go to www.triasvita.com
Trias Vita, centre for lifelong development
Trias Vita is a centre for lifelong development that supports children, youngsters, and adults in developing connected with themselves, others, and the natural environment, where everyone follows their own path in balance and without force.
Any questions? Mail to info@triasvita.com.
More about Trias Vita on this website.
I am Vicki Van Lommel, owner #TriasVita