Your child is increasingly dropping out as he gets older. He rolls out of bed more and more often overtired. It has become impossible to motivate him for anything. What he used to go for with complete dedication, his sport, he now has no energy for and has even given up. You as (a) parent(s), but also his friends, see him disappear into his bedroom (behind his computer). He seems lethargic and no longer in for anything. His self-care may even become less and less. Despite your increasing concern, it is dismissed by the social environment (and possibly by yourself) as ‘puberty’, but what if it is not?
Every human being naturally needs to develop autonomously, to feel competent, to feel connected to his social and natural environment. Not only to be recognised by his social environment, but also by himself. These are basic human needs that apply from birth for life. In a highly industrialised and digitalised environment, in which much of the natural habitat of people has disappeared and products, services, including people are highly standardised, these basic needs are under high pressure.
“Every human being naturally needs to develop autonomously, to feel competent, to feel connected to his social and natural environment.”
This can be particularly problematic as you grow up and get older, especially in children, youngsters and adults who are above average talented and/or intelligent. It is precisely when youngsters need more and more autonomy and the need to feel competent that they end up in a learning environment in secondary school that puts them against a standardised yardstick. However, youngsters who are above average talented and/or intelligent need (much) more than the standard that is offered. If the needs of these youngsters are not met year after year, they run a (very) high risk of ending up in a reality in which they no longer do anything. Not because they wanted to, not because they had not indicated that they had been understimulated for years, but because their needs have been ignored for years. In addition, they often lack social recognition in the form of peers at school, because most youngsters do not look like them. This can make them feel like they are on their own and of no value if their needs are not taken seriously. Ultimately, this can lead to a complete stop in development. Not because there was and is something wrong with these children/youngsters, but because their direct environment and the digitalised industrialised society do not recognise the differentiated level of needs between people. If not responded to appropriately, it can have lifelong consequences on all aspects of the child’s/youngster’s life, but it also entails unnecessary costs for society. And that while these children and youngsters have so much to offer for themselves and society.
“…youngsters who are above average talented and/or intelligent need (much) more than the standard that is offered.”
When an above-average child, youngster or adult gets stuck in this way, it is regularly advised to learn to adapt. The responsibility for getting stuck is thus placed entirely on the individual, while the cause takes place at the environmental/societal level. Adaptation then leads to further alienation for the child, youngster, adult, which only lengthens the road to connection with himself. If you get stuck in this way as an above-average child, youngster or adult, you need the space to discover who you are, what you can and what you want. In this way, self-acceptance and self-awareness arises and you can start making choices that suit you in an environment that is not always suitable for you. As soon as you start to develop in connection with yourself, it no longer matters whether that environment is always appropriate. You can then develop yourself further connected, regardless of the circumstances.
“As soon as you start to develop in connection with yourself, it no longer matters whether that environment is always appropriate.”
Trias Vita supports above-average children, youngsters, and adults who get stuck at school or work due to understimulation and insufficient experience of autonomy and competence. With #MirrorTheatre we will look together for who you are, what you can and what you want, quite a challenge if you are above average to discover in a standardised world that has insufficient eye for your needs. With #EcosystemicDevelopment you develop connected to yourself, others, and the natural environment. With #One-On-OneCoaching, Trias Vita offers you first aid for acute developmental questions. With #ConnectedDevelopment you as a parent discover how you can support your child so that he gets the space to discover who he is, what he can, what he wants and thus develop in a connected way.
If you, as a (grand)parent, find it difficult to guide your (grand)child in this, that is not surprising. As a (grand)parent you are often above average in one way or another too. As a result, in the industrialised standardised society in which you also grew up, you may not have been able to fully discover who you are, what you want and what you can yourself. Therefore, you may lack the necessary knowledge, skills, and/or experience to help your (grand)child develop connected. However, it is never too late for you to start developing yourself in a connected way. #MirrorTheatre also offers you the space for this.
“As a (grand)parent you are often above average in one way or another too… you may not have been able to fully discover who you are, what you want and what you can yourself.”
Interested/sign up? More information about all Trias Vita services for children, youngsters, adults, and/or companies/organisations can be found on the Trias Vita homepage. You can sign up for Mirror Theatre directly via the link on the homepage. You can start with Mirror Theatre throughout the year. If you are interested in one of the other Trias Vita services, please send an email to Trias Vita and mention which service you are interested in, and we will schedule an introduction/advice meeting without further obligations.
Trias Vita, centre for lifelong development
Trias Vita is a centre for lifelong development that supports children, youngsters, and adults in developing connected with themselves, others, and the natural environment, where everyone follows their own path in balance and without force.
Any questions? Mail to info@triasvita.com.
More about Trias Vita on this website.
I am Vicki Van Lommel, owner #TriasVita