Giving children the opportunity to develop in a connected way not only strengthens their intrinsic motivation but also strengthens the bond between you and your child. Connection with you as a mother and as a father is the foundation that gives your child the confidence to walk their own path (Tao) in balance (Yin & Yang) and without force (Wu wei). Connecting with your child is not done by punishing or rewarding, but by truly making contact with your child. Essential contact is always made, and perhaps especially at the moment when your child seems to have different ideas and/or seems to make different choices than those you, as a parent, have in mind. No matter how young children are, they also have the right to make their own choices, to have their own motives, simply to explore, without being rejected or placed outside the family/ group for it. Just because a child thinks or acts differently than yourself as a parent/ adult does not mean they are ‘naughty’ and that you as an adult have the right to reject the child. Being labelled as ‘naughty’ as a child because you are trying to find your own path (Tao) is an unjust rejection that can repeatedly deeply harm you as a child/ human.
All shaped by our environment, culture, life, we easily reject what is different from ourselves, while there is usually absolutely nothing wrong with the ‘otherness’ of the other. We punish and reward ‘being different’ with words and/or actions because that has been taught to us at home, at school, through the media, by others, by our culture. This causes children, for example, not to learn to be social at school, but rather it leads to the children who most resemble each other excluding the other children, and the children who differ in terms of, for example, appearance, intelligence, ways of thinking, abilities, talents, and/or background, learning to survive. This is facilitated by punishment and reward, which has been present in nearly every aspect of our culture of upbringing, education, religion, work, and governance for almost a century, and is also institutionalized. While we unconsciously know that this is unnecessary and there is an alternative that offers children the opportunity to develop in connection with themselves, their social and natural environment.
If a child is given the space from birth to follow their own path without rejection, not only will the child be empowered, but ultimately their entire social and natural environment will be as well. The child will then not hesitate to be who they are but will make choices from a place of balance (Yin & Yang) and without force (Wu wei) that contribute to the connection with themselves, others, and their natural environment in their own unique way (Tao).
If you would like to learn as a (grand)parent how to help your (grand)child develop in a connected way, without resorting to punishment and reward yourself, or do you have a profession in which you work a lot with children and do you want to learn this, then contact Trias Vita.
Trias Vita is a centre for lifelong development that supports children and young people to develop in connection with themselves, others, and the natural environment from an ecosystemic Taoist life perspective: finding your path (Tao) in balance (Yin & Yang) and without force (Wu wei).
Any questions? Mail to info@triasvita.com.
More about Trias Vita on this website.
Vicki Van Lommel, founder Trias Vita